When I was young, I mean REAL young, I had this reoccurring dream starting at the age of 6.  It was a dream that would continue to haunt my subconscious mind until I was 31 years old.  It’s a dream I would never forget because of how real it was; honestly I can’t say it didn’t happen because there is no way a 6 year old should know what that dream entailed.

This dream started like I said when I was 6 years old. I would always wake up in a cold sweat every time I experienced the dream. The dream never changed it was the same every time,it only intensified in the sensual aspects. The smells, the sounds, the feelings grew stronger and stronger almost as if you lived it in real life.

The nightmare started when I wake up in a casket. I am startled by the sound of dirt being thrown in my lonely grave, making a loud thud then rustling sound on the aluminum top to my casket as the dirt would roll off. I try to see where I am but the darkness is so black it feels like even a flame could not penetrate it, but I could feel the pillow and surrounding linen that lines the coffin.  That’s how I knew where I was.

I try to wale my arms, but the box is so cramped I can barely put my arms to my side. The top of the lid is just inches from my face, and the fear of claustrophobia starts to set in.

As the dirt fills up over the coffin, you start to hear the sound of the dirt become more and more faint, till soon you don’t hear the dirt being thrown on you anymore at all. You can only wonder if they are done filling the grave in.

Finally dirt surrounds my box of rest, the silence becomes eerily stagnant. Its an unusual and uneasy quiet, and the silk lining of my casket insulates the sound even more. I start to panic because I want to sit up, but I can’t since the lid of the casket is inches from my head.

I scream for help, begging those above to stop because I’m alive. Sadly my efforts are futile, they can not hear me.

I pound on the sides of the casket only to hurt my hands, so I decide to claw my way out, giving hope to one last effort of escape. Failing, the lining of the casket now lies on my belly, I begin to panic even worse, till tears roll down my face. I see my own mortality start to set in, my life passes before my face and worse of all, I know what my casket will look like because I’m in it.

As time passes, the casket grows cold as the moist dirt snuggles the casket. The weight of the soil starts to cave the lid in.

Within 12 hours its getting harder to breathe because I’ve used up more than half the oxygen and the area is being filled with Carbon dioxide. I can smell the moisture of the ground around me, and the moisture starts to cause condensation on the casket walls.

Before long, breathing is near impossible. I start to see stars and I feel very weak and faint. I start to hallucinate, and insanity starts to set in, causing me to laugh at nothing. After 18 hours of burial, I took my last breath. The last thing I saw was the ripped lining of my casket which represented the last hope of survival, as I look around at my final resting place; something I should never see in life.

That was my dream, and that is the reason I don’t want to be buried when I die. It also caused me to distrust doctors. It’s because of this dream I don’t want an autopsy upon my death, I want to be buried with all my blood and organs in tact as I had died. Once an autopsy is performed, if the doctors were wrong and you were not dead, they have now killed you for real.

As you can see there is no way a 6 year old should know what death was like. I learned as I grew older about past lives, but according to my religion, this was impossible. So if past lives are impossible, what other explanation was there?

This series “Trapped but not Dead” takes that dream and brings it to life, out of my head, and onto paper.  In doing so the dream stopped; I haven’t been haunted by the dream since 2009 when I made the picture.  Now why I chose a female for the picture… that is something for you to think about because it has a significant impact of my life, something I didn’t know at the time I made this photo.  If you can guess the meaning, comment on this… I’ll tell you if you are right.

As a professional photographer I constantly looking for ways to give my clients the best possible product I can give.  When it comes to photography output, I truly believe in quality paper that provides great color and black and white processing.

Unlike most photographers, I don’t like to use ink jet printing if I don’t have to.  Sure the processes have come leaps and bounds since it was first introduced, but I still like the emulsified processing.

As a photo restoration specialist and photo conservator, I look for products that can withstand the test of time.  I want my photos to look as good as they did when I print them, 100 years later – provided good care is given to them.

When it comes to things like this there was only one company I truly trusted with my photos, that was Kodak.  Last week the company filed for bankruptcy and will soon be a distant memory.

For more than 60 years Kodak’s innovation has changed the face of photography forever, in terms of processing images.  They were the leaders in color photo technology, taking us out of the black and white era; yet their black and white processing is legendary in its own right.

Thanks to them, photography has evolved to what it is today.  The hard part is imagining my profession without them.

There are other competitors that pushed Kodak to be the company it is, like Epson and Fuji.  They will now have to set the standards for generations to come.

I can’t thank Kodak enough, thanks to them I will forever have a quality product to give to my customers, and they helped my work shine, looking its best whether it was in a museum or on somones desk.

This is cool I thought, me and the legendary “Mouth of the South” Jimmy Hart on WCIB’s homepage banner promoting my interview.  Its fun to see yourself on things!  And YES I really did meet Jimmy at Koncert 4 Kiddz in Tampa, FL – February 2011

My dad sent me this photo he took of my photos hanging on the wall in his new apartment. The photos are part of my “Georgia Collection” all of which are for sale, and  The Laker article on me is at the bottom, the newspaper that started it all in June of 2009.

It really makes me happy to see this picture so I thought I would share it with you.

I for one am grateful that 2012 is here. 2011 had so many ups and downs it was an emotional roller coaster, but I managed to have some great accomplishments. 2012 is already starting to take off like a rocket, so I figure I will just buckle-up, hold on to my faith and hope and let it guide me down the path I was meant to take.

Now everyone has New Year’s resolutions they set for themselves, and I am no different. I realized over the years that good things don’t come to those who sit and wait with their hand out, you must go pursue it with passion. I also realize that if you don’t put out into the world and remind yourself of those goals, they fail easier. So with that here is my list of New Year’s Resolutions:

• Get into more galleries and museums across the world.  Really want to get into some in CT, my birth state as it means a lot to me.
• Get on more TV appearances
• Finish the 4^thVolume
• Start and hopefully complete the book about my crazy life
• Get my radio and TV show out into the public – obtain great interviews and places of interest
• Get more advertising on and spread the word about “The Expressionist Magazine”, turn it into a more valuable tool for artists and art lovers and make this venture into a 501(c)3
• Get an iPad
• Help with more charities
• Get more photo restorations and websites to create
• Start more custom signature series
• Meet more great models, people and share stories while making memories

Those are my top goals professionally.  If I can accomplish these, regardless what the world throws at me, I will consider it a good year.

So with that said, I wish everyone a very HAPPY and PROSPEROUS 2012.

Growing up and even today I absolutely love Christmas time.  I can still remember the smell of Christmas morning, looking outside to a fresh blanket of snow.  The tree would be lit and stocked with presents.

I would wait up all night looking at the milk and cookies, waiting to catch that one infamous glimpse of jolly ol’ Saint Nick.  I came really close one year, I waited till like 1:00 AM, but never saw him. I finally decided to go to bed.  Then when I woke up that next morning the cookies were gone, the milk have full and presents under the tree… HOW?

Well I finally grew up and realized it was only my parents, but that magic still sits inside of me.

I also grew up watching the amazing commercials produced by Coca-Cola and to this day, still sit in amazement on how timeless these commercials are.  They have always inspired me in my work.

So for the last three years I’ve wanted to shoot a vintage Santa picture, the problem was I didn’t know anyone who could do it, at least one that looked like Santa.  I didn’t want a fake beard and such, NOT ME!!! I wanted the real thing.

This year I was really gonna get my Santa! I put out an ad on Craigs List and behold, I got some replies.  The talent that sent me resumes was incredible.  The likeness was uncanny!

So I had this great idea of having Santa write out his naughty and nice list.  I found the perfect desk, the right price and guess what… no place to put it or transport it.  Then I found out that the Santa I had chosen left me but one day to shoot.

WHAT DO I DO?  I don’t want to miss this opportunity!

The answer was simple, create a story based on Santa visiting a home and a child meets Santa by sheer coincidence; something I never was able to accomplish.

The next part was hard.  Find a child that wouldn’t be afraid (had to be around 5 or older), find a house I could get good angles at, find vintage looking pajamas, and yes, shoot all this in LOW lighting!

Rising to the challenge I put a request on Facebook.  I received 4 hits, but their availability or their home posed some trouble.  The kids were great, but the rest of the photo (house, space, etc) had to be perfect to obtain that vintage style.

Finally Aimee Shook, a wonderful lady I went to school with offered her home and son for the shoot; and it was perfect match.

We set up the shoot and I think what I got was nothing less than powerful.  I used simple lighting techniques, used filters to give it an antique feel and the colors you see were from the tree.  Its what it would look like if you caught Santa by your tree at midnight.

I can’t thank John Spindler enough for his wonderful performance as Santa.  http://santa.vpwebs.com  and Aimee and Ashtyn for their home, company and making this all happen!

Before I went to sleep after the shoot I realized something.  I had seen Santa all along, just never realized it.  Santa is about giving and peace, love and understanding personified as a human being.  I had that in my heart all along and try with every breath I take to ensure I spread that 365 days a year.